Thursday, November 17, 2005
Timing is everything, even in love. And when you are not ready to commit, you could end up regretting it
SOMETIMES, timing rather than love decides who we end up being with - or without.
Only some lucky people marry the loves of their lives. The rest marry the most suitable person who comes along when they are ready to settle down.
But I think even if the love of one's life appears when one is single, one may not be in the right frame of mind to recognise him or her as such.
And then love passes by.
Life is littered with near misses and lost opportunities.
I let go of my True Love 4 years ago just like that maybe during that time I did not
appreciate when he’s around.
Someone ever told me this” Go for someone who loves you more than you love him" Guess at that moment I was blind to see the fact. Even my mum ever told me “It that what you really wanted” when I told her of the decision of my breakup with N.
We met 8 years ago when I was 18 and he 25. It was love at first sight.
He was down-to-earth, simple and loving.
Despite our differences, we were soulmates. We had the same quirky sense of humour and shared long, intense overnight conversations and loves outdoors activities. He always showering me with love and attention like a princess.
But human nature is perverse. When someone is excessively nice to us, we start taking things for granted, instead of appreciating them even more.
My ex bf N fetch me from the airport at 3am when I went for a holiday in Australia with my best frend and he had to work the very morning, Queue and camp few nights just to ensure I got my full set of Hello Kitty Collection from Macdonald. Gosh the list is never ending, which triggered many memories.
He had everything I could want in a husband - except that I was not looking for one. A boyfriend was all I could cope with then.
He never pressure me into marriage and I guess its because of our contentment of being together slowly eating the relationship up.
I was too impatient to compromise. Every trivial matter blew up as a big deal. My mood obliterated the good in our relationship and reached a point where I just wanted out. Maybe its because he is too clingy on the relantionship and I still wanted to meet other men.
He was heartbroken; I was sad but relieved. He still called me regularly, asking me to change my mind.
The calls stopped finally after 8 months when finally he told me he is getting married. I was schocked of the news but still holding back hopes of being together.
I had a painful relationship after that. Served me right, as those rude wake-up calls were necessary for me to realise the meaninglessness of my high life. I was pratical living in hell after I got commited to someone K who makes life a rollercoaster ride for me for 3 freaking years. I finally get out of a relantionship which was hanging by without a ending.
I missed the tenderness of my ex N and began having second thoughts.
Perhaps I also felt more urgency to find someone marriageable before my biological clock reached zero hour. It dawned on me that I am not getting any younger.
If only I could turn back time. If only I had met my ex N later. If only... what feeble words.
These days, I am more matured. I have come to terms with my loss. There is nothing I can do about timing, but I can do everything about my choices.
Sometimes, I toy with the idea of marrying someone and getting my mum to find me a husband. But I always dismiss that. I have already made one mistake. I should not make another by settling for second best merely for the sake of getting hitched - only to regret it soon after.
Hopefully, the best is not over but yet to be.
